im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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