Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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