So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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