college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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