NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
