Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
