The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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