My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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