Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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