She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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