how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
