I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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