we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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