yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
