dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
