i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
