Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
