Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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