at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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