My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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