i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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