Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
