Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
