I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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