There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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