you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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