Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
