Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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