Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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