i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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