you would pick up someone in the library
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
