all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
