i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
