I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
