she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
