how can u be prego again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize