i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Less talking, more tequila
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
