If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
