At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
