And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
