wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize