just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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