remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize