new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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