i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
