All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
