Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize