I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
