He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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