is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
