No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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