the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
