I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
