My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
