would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize