I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
