i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
