In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
