Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
