haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
