It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize