I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
