I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
