I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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