Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
