What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
